Grey Haze

Well, this is my first blog post in a long time. It kind of feels like ripping through scars to do it, too much has changed since my last post. The person I most wanted to share these with is gone from this life. The person I spent almost every Monday with is also gone from this life...it's odd because I don't really remember grieving for Becky or Granny. I almost went numb. Mom and I have decided that we feel like we have misplaced Granny somewhere....still pick up the phone to call her..to tell her some little tidbit that might make her laugh. There was nothing better than the feeling I got when I made Granny laugh...it would explode from her as she threw her head back, the air in the room seemed to change from a grey haze to a white/blue, it was easier to breathe and I could see the youth in her that I never knew. Like I said, Nothing better than making Granny laugh. Becky's laugh, now that laugh was different. Becky's head usually went down and her whole upper body shook...it would come out without her even having to open her mouth..I just realized that. Becky was one of the few people that could show complete breakdown in laughter without having to open her mouth...I'm not sure that was normal. Her laugh was contagious. Once she started the whole room was laughing, sometimes we didn't know why we were laughing, but it always turned into that gasping for breath and holding your stomach while your jaws and cheeks ached from being stretched out into a smile for too long. Now how great is that? To be able to make a room full of people ache from happiness? That is a gift we should be praying for...the ability to make people around us ache from pure happiness. Just as I'm typing this, I realized I titled it Grey Haze because of the way I felt when I started...after reliving the laughter of two I dearly loved...the haze is no longer grey.