Randomness (I don't care if it's a real word or not!)

Ever since I started blogging, I find myself going through the day filing away little tidbits that happen for future blogs..I am constantly saying to myself , "My next blog is going to be about that!" then by the time I log on I can't remember what was so daggone funny.
I totally had something picked out yesterday to blog about last night, I even told Amy about it (because I think it's something she did)..but I have tried and tried to remember to no avail. It's very annoying.
I did take some time yesterday morning to shoot a BB-Gun at one of the stupid roosters that keep coming into Amy's yard....I use to be a good shot...use to be. In my defense it was a very tiny rooster and it was walking over the bank..Amy did keep hollering at me to "aim low", but it didn't help much....that is what we do in Kentucky when we visit friends. We sit under the carport/porch in the swing with our coffee and various weapons and take pot shots at errant animals. Neither one of us thought it unusual at all and there was no laughter about it, just annoyance that the BB Gun wasn't working properly at the beginning..lo and behold, the safety was on...who woulda thunk it?
I'm still trying to remember what I thought was so funny yesterday...maybe if I keep typing randomly it will come to me...
We went to Bob Evans to eat and let me tell you, their fried cornmeal mush with warm syrup is to DIE for!!!
Amy bought a box of ShamWow towels at Walmart and frankly I now know why they are called "Sham" wow! She will buy anything that is "As seen on tv", anything.
I have the new kitten sleeping with me everynight....which is really sweet, but I almost killed it the other night. I was half asleep and it moved, well, in my dream-like state I thought a mouse had climbed up into the bed with me..so I slung it...thank goodness the bed covers caught it or it would have flew across the room and slammed into the wall, because it weighs about as much as a feather. Last night it woke me up at 4 am by sticking it's nose way back into my ear canal, and trying to nurse off of my ear drum....I had to get up and take her to the food bowl and then put her into the litter box....it's like having a new born again.
Well, I give up, I cannot remember. I shall call it Blog Fog...maybe it was the ShamWow, maybe that seemed funnier yesterday? Who knows....

My Granny Brown

I love my Granny Brown...I love her very much, but she is exhausting. I went to the library yesterday morning, on the way back through I stopped at Granny's. The first thing that happened was that the door was locked..fine...I knocked...and waited..and waited. I started getting nervous, why wasn't she answering?! I went to the cellar to get the spare key, but alas, I have no clue where they hide it..(not that I haven't been told, I just can't remember). I try the door again. No answer. I go to my car and desperately try to get a signal on my cell phone to try calling her..as I'm doing this I am taken aback at a raspy voice screaming behind me .,"Who is it?" I turn in mid-dial to see Granny squinting at me from the door....I yell "It's me Granny" which always puts her at ease...it doesn't matter if it's a robber, If they just say "It's me Granny" she will welcome them into her home and ask them to let the cat out.
So, I'm obviously thrilled that she is ok and I trot across the bridge and on into the house...as soon as I go through the door I say "How are you doing Granny?" She promptly replies "Oh, I'm not going to make it much longer honey. How are you?" Thus my visit begins.
Now, the rest of the visit gets a little blurry....I'm not sure of the exact order of things but I'm going to try to recreate them....
I ask (of course) Granny whats wrong? Is she sick at her stomach? Are her legs aching? Is she having trouble breathing? I try to pinpoint why she may not make it much longer...she gives me the same vague answer that she always does..."Oh honey, I don't know, I'm hurtin' all over.." Well, there isn't much I can do about all over hurt, so I stick to the trick that always works...I offer to wash her feet.
This is a ritual that I go through every time I'm over there....I say "Granny do you want me to wash your feet"
she replies "Oh Amy, I mean Quack, Oh I mean SHELLEY! (chuckles and says I'm just a crazy old lady) I don't want you to have to do that."
I say "I don't care to do it, or I wouldn't bring it up"
She says, "Well, you'll have to get some lotion because my legs are itching real bad again..I don't know what is causing that"
(I say nothing here, because she doesn't want me to come up with an answer, she has her own ready to deliver.)
She says, "I tell you what I think it is..I think they liked to killed me with that medicine they put me on when I came home from the hospital..It liked to burn me up! I've been itching every since!"
(I mumble a sound that is taken as agreement)
She says, "Oh, (sigh) I don't know Shelley, it's bad when you get to be an old woman...."
(I wisely don't reply)
By this point I have her socks off and her feet is in the bowl of water. Then she jerks her head up and says "Whose out there?" I'm telling you she has the hearing of a bat...maybe it's where she is almost blind, but she can hear a cat purring outside...so I get up to look, and lo and behold, there is someone out there. The oxygen man. I tell Granny this. I swear, she sighs/groans and lays her head back against her recliner...how dare he intrude on her valuable time by checking her oxygen machine?!
I say "Do you want to let your feet soak until he's done?"
She says, (rather grouchy) "Yeah, might as well wait until he leaves".
I go to open the door for him....but he is still in his truck doing his paperwork, Granny wants to know what is taking him so long to come in, and I explain...finally he comes in. Granny suddenly turns into Miss Congeniality. She even smiles. Who is this woman?! I go into the kitchen for something (I can't remember what) but when I open the fridge door, there is something spilled all over the inside! I mean ALL OVER!! I say, "Granny! What is all over your fridge?"
She says, "Huh?" (meanwhile Mr. Oxygen is checking the tank) I say "Something has leaked all over your fridge!" (then I see what it is) "Oh, ewww, it's Worchestshire sauce!" Now, I type that like it wasn't hard to say...but if you are a Brown, with our speach problems, you would be surprised how many times I had to try to say it)
During this Mr. Oxygen delcares her tank full....Granny remembers that she needs new ends put on her oxygen nose thingy...so she tells him...in great detail ,that she needs this. He smiles and says I will go get some for you out of the truck...Granny grunts...(she is losing her Miss Congeniality) meanwhile I am wiping down the inside of the fridge...he comes back in with the ends...Granny decides he doesn't know how to slide them on properly, so she wobbles/shuffles into the bedroom with him. I holler "Granny go sit down, he knows what he is doing"...she sits back and and I hear her feet going back into the water...Jeesh, I forgot she was still soaking her feet!! Mr. Oxygen goes to her and says something and I hear her say "Shelley can do it" I'm thinking "what?" I have Worchestshire sauce all over my hands and a wet, soapy dishrag that is now stained brown...Mr. Oxygen comes into the kitchen with a clipboard...apparently someone needs to sign it...well, that's easy! (First easy thing since I pulled into the driveway)..I sign and he happily leaves.
I finally get the fridge cleaned up, so I go to wash her feet...the water is now on the cooler side....so I hurry. I can't really remember what we discuss during this...but I do it and get her a fresh pair of socks, roll the dirty socks together (so they won't get parted from each other) and empty/wash the bowl..
I decide to make some small talk...so I say, "Oh, I see Diane made you some cornbread yesterday" Granny (who is nothing if not sly) says, "Yes, I told her to get me some buttermilk and sweet milk and she used most of it cooking!" I know where this is going, so I say, "Oh, Granny, I should have called you before I went to the library to see if you needed anything! I knew Diane had went to the grocery store for you, so I didn't think you would need anything"..
She puts on a brave front and says that maybe if Danny wasn't too busy he could pick up some for her...I leave it at that.
I ask her if she has plenty of water pills cut up for her bedside pill bottle...she doesn't have a clue...so I check. It's fine. The pills reminds her that her kitchen floor feels crumbly...because she dropped a pill and as she bent down to pick it up she felt cornmeal and such around the base of the cabinets. I take this hint and go to sweep..I can't find the broom.
I say "Granny, where's your broom?"
She says, "Diane had it on the back porch and I bet she left it out there! It's been raining...(insert sigh here ), I'm probably going to have to buy a new broom now!" (Really? Because it rained on it?)
I say nothing and retrieve the broom. As I'm sweeping my cell phone chirps. I have a text message! Granny hollers "What is that?" I tell her my friend Amy is texting me. She grunts. I answer and go back to sweeping..It chirps again..Granny hollers, "Well, there goes your phone again!" I say "yeah" and go answer...go back to sweeping....It chirps again...Granny hollers, "Doesn't she have anything to do? She is spending alot of time on that phone!!" I mumble some kind of explanation and turn the sound to silent...I will explain to Amy later. Meanwhile, some stupid clock starts cock-a-doodle-dooing like a rooster....20 times!!! And she is mad that my cell phone chirps?
I'm done sweeping. I decide to sit on the couch and spend some time talking with Granny before I have to leave. We discuss various family members, the cat's habit of making her get up all night long and how big her stomach is getting....
She asks if the fridge is clean now..I say yes...she says "Did you see any cucumbers in there?" She knows there are cucumbers in that fridge because I bought them for her..I say "Yeah, there are 3".. she says, "I'm going to have to get someone to cut them up before they go bad"...she is nothing if not subtle...I go to cut up the cucumbers..I'm getting tired and start planning my exit.... I fix her a bowl of cucumbers and her dip, have to run to her bed to get her bottom dentures and bring it all to her....she smiles. This makes me so happy that I decide to describe some of the blogs that Becky/Heather and Brenda have written...she chuckles...then says "For some reason Brenda's number is not in my new phone" Now, I know she wants me to look up Brenda's number and program it into her phone...I hate this phone. We all hate this stupid phone. If I touch it, and it for some reason stops working, I will be blamed and talked about for years to come....so I say something to the fact of "I'm sure mom can put it in when she comes over"...(Brenda Call Granny!!!)
I decide I need to leave...I lean down to give her a kiss and she says, "Will you put these cucumbers back in the fridge with some foil over top of them?" I say "Yep" She then gives me a kiss and tells me to drive careful because she doesn't know what she would do if something happened to me....I tell her I love her, put the cucumbers in the fridge, grab my cell phone and ask the all important question, "Do you want me to lock the door as I go?" She says, "Yeah, go ahead and lock it"....so I lock the door, so the next person who comes up can stand on the back porch and knock...and knock...and worry....

I'm not lying when I tell you I was there less than an hour. Less...than...an...hour....I love my Granny Brown....I do...

My Amy.....

I have many friends...friends that I've known since I was born...I love them all. But, there is one that, for some reason, I didn't find until around 11 years ago? I'm not sure about the first time I met her, I just know that for about 5 years now we have been inseparable.
This past year, actually it was Feb. of 2008, her husband left for a year tour in Afghanistan....I was heartbroken for her..we spent this last year together. EVERY Monday and almost every Thursday from August on, different days during the week when the kids were on summer break...and almost every holiday since St. Patricks Day....
We have laughed together ( a lot), cried together (some), threatened to hit each other (usually amidst the laughter) and lived together (briefly through the ice storm)...We have yelled at each others kids, griped about our husbands, praised our husbands and kids, praised ourselves for being martyrs, and eaten at Melini's almost every Monday for months...we have made many attainable goals and met very few of them, sit on porch swings for hours hiding from the kids, got through PMS together every month and shared clothes....she has "done" my hair too many times to count, held me down and plucked my eyebrows, and told me when I stunk like a man....I have told her she wasn't crazy, rubbed her head when she was scared, and have given her awkward hugs when she was crying....she has "sanded" the hair off of my elbows, offered to help bury the bodies when I want to kill my kids, and promised to wreak havoc with me when we are old and gray....I have sit with her on Christmas Eve until it was officially Christmas when I found her on her front steps crying and she has told me I was in the right during every argument with Casey even when I wasn't, we have thought of running away and changing our names to Menthol and Vidalia while making syrup in Vermont and then laughed about the fact that we wouldn't be able to stay away forever....we have given advice, taken advice, sneered at advice, and said the words "I'm Fine" too many times to count....we have drank countless cups of coffee and taken countless years off our our lives by worrying about the unknown.....we have drove Derek to the airport at 4 in the morning to send him back to Afghanistan when all we really wanted to do was keep driving until we made it to Mexico with him.....we have waited in the parking lot of Boyd Co. School for his bus to pull in when he finally came home for good....we have loved and been loved...mostly from each other....this is my blog to you Amy...I love you:)

Free Kittens

My sister-in-law, Becky has kittens...Now she tries to claim that my cat Theodore is the father of these kittens, but unless she wants to shell out some money for a DNA test, then she has no proof.
Maggie went to visit Owen the other day and BECKY showed her the kittens..now I don't know why Becky would do this...other than the fact that she is very evil. She is.
So, never mind the fact that we have at least 14 stray cats that live in our back yard, Maggie wants one of Becky's kittens...fine. Theodore is no longer a true indoor cat, he like to go outside and, well, apparently "cat around" (not that I'm admitting anything) As soon as the kittens are weaned I will be bringing one into my house so that I can have yet another living thing to take care of. I hold no grudges against dear Becky...I will just bide my time ;-) She will rue the day that she hoisted one of her animals off on me! Rue the day!! (I love to say that)
What's with the picture you are wondering? Well, this is a picture that Becky sent me of her beautiful brood of kittens...look closely at the one in the center....he/she is wall-eyed!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! I must say that out of all my stray cat's not a one is wall-eyed...she will be stuck with that one for years...no-one is going to take it...it's a little scary.

The Fab Five

There are five of us....Shelley, Amy, Leigh Anna, Becky and Marianne...we are the "girls" of the "girls night out". We haven't been able to get together since, I think February , ...I miss it.
We do everything and nothing when we get together. There is ALWAYS food and ALWAYS laughter...sometimes tears, hugs and encouragement. Between the five of us we have 12 kids...12!
The last time we got together, we took all the kids rollerskating. Usually, we don't include the kids, that's the whole point of us being together...but at Amy's suggestion we went to Garden Rollerskating Rink. (Emily's birthday)
Leigh Anna and Marianne could not take the risk of donning a pair of skates, so they held down a quad-booth and babysat whichever kids who were not skating. Now, Becky, my dear Becky, turned into a roller skating fiend. She and my daughter Samantha (aka Samzie) took to the wooden floor and threw their heads back in laughter. My baby, my baby!, skated around the rink on her own. I didn't have one to "walk" around the rink anymore....it was wonderful and sad at the same time.
After a few times around, I was exhausted. Amy was second guessing her suggestion of the rink a few moments after we got there, and there was no toilet paper in the bathroom..or door. We tried to keep drinks separated, hands clean, shoes and purses in a pile and at least one eye on all the kids......Kelsey got sick, Owen and CJ got bored, Brody was scared, and Emily was being forced to be a hostess.... we spent money on video games, tattoos, pickles, mountain dews and overpriced pizza and nachos.....I can't remember how many hours we actually stayed, but I'm sure it seemed longer than it was...as we all gathered and dispersed various items of clothing, shoes and purses, (and after we dragged Becky off the skating rink) we headed for the parking lot. We decided that it had been an excellent time for all and laughed at memories already being remembered.....yes we would do this again! It was unanimous! As we caught each other's eyes, and all the kids were looking the other way, we silently added that the next roller rink night would be WITHOUT the kids....after all, that's one of the reasons we get together right? To not be mom's/wives? Don't you judge us! Maybe one day, you too can have a group of 5 that are dedicated to making it through this life with as much dignity and laughter as possible:)

Colons

I am not sure what to write about tonight...but I have to start off by saying if you haven't read my cousin Becky's blog (link is on my page) you must. Little Jimmy Chickens is something else.

Well, on to me. Let me just say that Ex-Lax is the devil. The devil I say. I have been "bound up" (as my Granny Brown would say) for a few days...the only time a promising intestinal pain would hit was very inopportune, as there was nowhere to go in private....so despite Amy's protests...I allowed Casey to give me 2 Ex-Lax pills. The fact that he smiled at me as he gave them to me should have been a clue that something was amiss. When you are in pain and look like you could possibly be pregnant, you tend to ignore subtle warnings.

I awoke to much hope, but nothing came of it. So, of course at 9:30am (right when I go down to open the Coop) and tremendous pain hits...I mean TREMENDOUS! Followed by a brief period of nausea. I run to the bathroom in fear and expectation.....and frankly I had made much ado about 'almost' nothing...so...I'm thinking, "well, this stuff apparently doesn't work for me"...

Oh, my children I was wrong....so very wrong.... Now..if you look on the back of an Ex-Lax box you will see directions, warnings, dosages and such....NO WHERE on this box does it list the horrendous side effects of it's product. Which include....profuse sweating each time a stomach cramp hits, bad timing of said cramps..such as ONLY when a customer walks up to the counter, an automatic rocking motion with arms akimbo across your stomach, a "smile-like grimace" permanently attached to your face (with beads of sweat across your eye-lids), and an ungainly walk/run as you try to make it to the bathroom without drawing attention to yourself.

In the end, (yes I did mean to make a pun), the product actually works...but (yet another pun), was it worth it?

At the risk of sounding even more like Granny Brown than I already do, I would say yes...there are few things worse than bowel problems...in fact...I think there should be a charity walk organized for constipation. People are so afraid to discuss it....I say WHY NOT? If my Granny can give a bowel update to any random person in line at the grocery store, then why can't I? I feel as if I have done my part to start the dialogue between friends and colons...isn't that how the world is suppose to be?

Oh No Not Again!!

I am with Becky....I am rapidly losing my mind. As previously posted I have had to cancel the spring teacher conference with Mags' teacher 2 times. I was suppose to be there today at 3:30....I remembered at 8:00. I didn't just remember...I remembered with much ado. I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth; which made Maggie gasp and throw her hand over her mouth. She then looked at me in all seriousness and said that I was 5 hours late. Now I have to send an apologetic letter to her teacher tomorrow and admit that it would be much easier if she would just send the papers that I need to sign home with Maggie...just like I did for the Fall parent/teacher conference. It's very embarrassing. I look like one of those mothers who don't care about their child's educational development. I do care, I really do...I just really needed a nap. It's not my fault. The true root of the cause is the cold front that came through last night. Now hear me out.... when the weather changes so quickly I tend to get a terrible sinus headache, which is what happened last night. The only sinus pill I could find was a prescription 24 hour pill....I'm not sure where it came from, but it was in my cabinet, so I took it. I got a total of 2 hours of sleep last night, restless, heart racing sleep....This stupid pill lasted until after 5:00 today! I HAD to lay down about 2:30 pm for a nap....I didn't wake up until 3:30pm when Maggie came in from school...by that time I had totally forgotten about the meeting. So, actually, it was out of my control. Due to an act of God through nature; I let my daughter down. Whew, I'm glad I got all that figured out, I am totally guilt free now.....blogging really does help!

Babble

So, I have been neglecting my blog....I feel really bad about this, as I am the one that started the whole thing...I vow not to do this again, even if I can only write a couple of lines a day. It's been one of those weeks, where nothing I try to do goes right. The kids are finally better (I think) and it's like I'm not sure how to function without a doctor appointment or a thermometer in hand. I'm starting to get use to it though...
I'm sitting on my front porch swing in the dark while a major storm is brewing. It was 70 some degrees today and the temp. is suppose to drop to 42 tonight, so tornado watches abound. Why can't it just be spring???
Casey just got off duty, so I'll be able to sleep safe tonight knowing that he is snoring away right next to me. . I can squeeze his ear while I read a book and fall asleep...life is good right now. Maybe this coming week will be better! I'm all about optimism (LOL)...
Here comes the thunder and rain....The laptop is not plugged in so I should be ok, if not and I get hit by lightening, you should all be proud knowing that you were the last ones to hear my thoughts..(as I said I'm all about optimism!!)