Well, we did it. Two Kentucky girls who have only flown once in their lives (Beck's about 10 yrs. ago and mine 23 yrs.) flew to Boston Logan International Airport alone! Then drove on to Maine!
Following the unfortunate death of my Betta fish Gabriel (R.I.P.) I rallied forth and got up at 4:30am on the 27th of October. Got the kids distributed and took off for Columbus Airport with Casey and Becky. (Before the rumor gets started, NO he did not drive the cruiser and use County gas) We had our trusty Tom-Tom, who had been switched to an English Accent for optimum pleasure of passengers. *side note, the gentleman with the English accent tends to not sigh and get testy like the woman with the American accent does, if one gets off course**
Flash forward...we are in the lobby of Delta at Columbus Airport, Casey must not go beyond this point. He turns to kiss me, I give a quick kiss and hug and never look back...times like this, if one of us is leaving, I pretend that he doesn't exist. Not sure why I do this, but it gets me through goodbyes without tears...almost 17 years and he still looks a little confused by it, even though he knows that it's going to happen..
Becky and I have made it through security with minimal loss of clothing or dignity. Only shoes and jackets were removed and I was informed that although the Gallon size bag of hair products was only filled 1/4 of the way, that the next time I flew, make sure to put it in a Quart size bag. Duly noted. And we shuffle on...until....hark! What do we see, but an old man in shining plastic!! He is driving one of the carts, and asks us if we need a ride to our gate. Yes! We do! I'm on the back, Beck right in front of me. The man takes off, and, I kid you not, he starts driving so fast through the airport that our hair is flying back like a shampoo commercial. I'm trying so hard not to laugh hysterically because this man doesn't seem happy with his job...he pulls up to our gate. Only 5 or 6 people are sitting in the area, and all eyes turn to us as we thank him and struggle to gather our bags/purses. It was almost like we came screaming up the hallway
"WE'RE HERE!!!".
Flash forward to boarding. This is the point that we realize that no-one on this trip is going to like Becky. No one. Until the very end. Everyone smiles at me...no one will smile at Becky. The stupid woman at the gate tells us that we have to check our bags because the overhead compartments are very small. That's fine, everyone else is having to also. She starts saying what cannot be in your bag that goes underneath one of the planes. Lithium batteris is one of them...Beck has one of these batteries in her luggage. She repeats these instructions to the lady to make sure that she means to not put it underneath the plane instead of in the cabn of the plane. The lady repeats what she said rather slowly...like Becky was stupid...then she turns and looks at me (not knowing that Beck and I were together) and starts to give me an eye roll...Oh no. No ma'am. I give her a good ole' mom Kentucky stare and she stops mid eye roll. I will take her down. I'm hopped up on a Peppermint Mocha from McDonalds *highly recommended* and have enough energy to do a flying drop kick. So you, woman who worked the gate desk for Delta flight from Columbus to Boston at 10:43am on October 27th...Get a grip, you are NOT the Dame of Delta; Princess of Planes; or Aristocrat of the Airline...you are a boarding pass taker. Yep.
The last time I see Beck for a while was when we entered the plane itself. (It's a commuter plane and very teeny tiny. Only 18 rows...of course Becky is in the 18th row and the put me up front in row 4...arrgghh) We part ways and I sit down next to my "seat buddy". His name is Bob. Bob is from New Hampshire. Bob grew up in Boston. Bob is flying on business and makes this trip all the time. Bob is trying to get back home in time to take his girlfriend's little girl to dance class. Bob finds out I'm from Kentucky. Bob thinks I don't know what Bath and Body Works is. I show Bob that I do by telling him about the awesome plug in scents that I bought just last week. Bob is impressed. Bob gives me his business card so that I can call hiim if Becky and I get lost in New England. Bob will come find us. Bob looks a lot like John Candy. Bob is very sweet, but very tiring.
The Steward (who looks like he is an extra in a movie about an airplane steward) comes by and offers Bob and me some refreshment. I'm a little hesitant, until Bob asks for a Coke and some cookies. I order some coffee and some cookies. He hands me the coffee and I suddenly feel safer. I rationalize that the airline would not serve me some coffee if the plane was going to go down because that would make a mess. Hot coffee everywhere and what-not. So, I relax and enjoy my graham cookie and my coffee. Listening to Bob all the while. I pick up one wafer and snap it in half...and watch in horror as a large crumb chunk flies across the aisle and lands in the guy's Bloody Mary. He doesn't see it. Bob does. I cut my eyes over to Bob and he laughs. Bob's kinda growing on me:)
As soon as Bob and I finish our refreshment, he asks the Steward if he can move into the empty seat in front of us (seat belt sign is off) so that I can go fetch Becky to come sit with me. (I'm worried about her, not sure how she did with the take off) So Bob moves up and I start trotting down the aisle. After a few pardon me's and ducking into empty seat so the Steward can get around me, I make it to the back of the plane. Becky is looking at her phone and her seat partner who is wearing a very stuffy looking tweed sports coat (we dubbed him "Mr. Tweed) are not speaking. Apparently, Mr. Tweed has not said one word to Becky. No one likes Beck:( I get to her seat, Becky looks up at me and gets this really weird look on her face. I say,"Get your stuff and come on" she looks panicked and says "Why?" (Mr. Tweed looks irritated that someone is speaking in his vicinity) I say, "You can come and sit with me now"...Becky smiles and vacates her awesome seat beside Mr. Tweed....I find out later why Becky had that really weird look on her face when I first got back there. She told me that she had been sitting there waiting for a terriost to stand up and stare at her, she said when she looked up and I was there, that her first thought was "Shelley is the Terriost???" Really. She was being serious. I think she was a little more nervous than I realized...So anyway, she moves up front with me...Bob turns around in his seat, rests his chubby little chin on his hands and proceeds to tell Becky everything that he has told me...which is fine, because now my ears are completely clogged and I cannot hear anything.
We land. We are in Boston!!! We get our bags, find the phone to have Hertz come get us to pick up our car, run into Bob in the lobby who proceeds to scream "My friends from Kentucky!", leave the lobby, discuss how Bob is a little scary now and how I shouldn't have told him where we were staying, get on the Hertz bus and find our car.
Our car. Oh, how I miss her. She was very tiny. She was an odd color, "the better to find her!", I declared. At some point we name her Miss Cinnamon Chip. Cinnamon Chip seemed to have a mild case of asthma. *I didn't say this to Becky, but I think it is her fault that poor Cinnamon's asthma flared up, what with the Toll Booth incident and all, within 5 minutes of driving her* Oh the toll booth. Going into the tunnel to start on our way to Maine. Becky was driving. At first Beck pulled up into the lane for "all cars", but being adled from the flight she got confused when she saw the car beside us go into the Easy Pass Lane. Becky promptly turned into that lane instead. Then she said "Oh, snap" I kept quiet because I was still in my "Zen"state from the flight. Becky tries to put it in reverse, but alas, the woman behind us cannot back up, because there is someone behind her. Becky then gives Cinnamon an asthma attack by cutting the wheel really sharp thereby cutting off a black car, a van and last but not least, a taxi, as she slides into the correct Toll Lane. The guy in the booth is staring at us in awe (I like to think because we succesfully cut off a taxi, I don't think anyone else has done that). Becky rolls down the window, hands him a dollar and says "I don't know what I'm doing" with a big Becky smile. All the guy says is "Where you all from?" I holler Kentucky and say "Is this the right way to Maine?" He assures us it is and looks a little too relieved that we are leaving Massachusetts in my opinion.
WE are on the road people! Cinnamon is over her scare, although the asthma flares up if you hit the gas too hard, but that's ok, we love her! We drive until we get to Portsmouth New Hampshire. We find an Applebee's (I know, I know, we can eat there at home, BUT we were hungry and like Leigh Anna said "It's good to go to a familiar place at first until you get settled") We took our leftovers with us and proceeded on to Portland Maine and our nice little hotel on Sable Drive. We get in the room about 4 or so and never leave the rest of the night. Re-heated our food later that evening and did nothing else but watch food network and plan our day in North Portland, which was centered around where to eat. That's all we talked about was food. We have both gained a few pounds...we drove around and ate. We watched food network at night and ate. It was very nice:))
I actually drove. Those of you who know me well, know that I don't like to drive if there is someone else willing. Becky made me drive. Becky made me do illegal U-Turns. *Pic of a No U-Turn sign will be posted* Becky made me drive into a dead end street where the fishermen loaded up trucks. Becky would not turn us around like I asked, but made me do it. We drove all over downtown Portland. It was beautiful! We did take turns driving and by the time we were driving back to Boston I was flying down I-95 singing Jack and Diane at the top of my lungs! We were awesome. We were finally adults. Proud, that's what we were.
We eat at Gilbert's Chowder House, I order a bread bowl of chowder and it was delicious!!! After lunch we take off to find a beach. Finally find route 1 and follow this beautiful little road to a state park....where Becky's proceeds to steal rocks off of the beach, which I'm sure was strictly prohibited. I had no idea that she was doing it, she said she didn't want to tell me because she knew that I would totally cave and throw her under the bus if we were asked about it. Really Beck? You and Amy know that I do not throw my friends under the bus! Never. Unless it requires that I lie. Then I may. Anyway, we have rocks. Ok, and we totally hid 2 of the magazines that the plane had because there were things that we wanted to order, maybe, at some point, THEN found that the outside of the magazine said "Go ahead and take it, we will replace it!" So that one doesn't really count.
I forgot where I was. Oh, on the way back from the beach we stopped at an amazing old church with a stone wall and an old cemetary. Beck pulled over next to the stone wall and took some very funny pictures of me throwing leaves into the air like a Maine Advertisement. (They too will be posted, in succesion like a flip book because she held the button down and shows each move, it's hysterical)
We pretty much did everything we wanted to do in Maine by 3pm. No kidding. At this point we find out that an early Nor'ester is headed towards us. Becky immediately starts blaming me because I made an innocent comment about hoping to see some snowflakes mixed in with the fall leaves. I can't get her calmed down because everyone keeps posting about it on Facebook! People! I was half afraid to sleep that night because of what Beck might do to me! I did call Delta to see about flying out Saturday morning instead of Sunday, but it was going to cost us $150/piece PLUS we would have to buy a new ticket, because ours wasn't exchangeable. Oh Snap as Beck would say.
I forgot about Ron! Becky LOVED Ron! Ron was kind of afraid of Becky. (I wonder if Ron overheard Becky say that she wanted to take him home on the plane and that he would probably fit in the overhead compartment. Ron was a very tiny Japanese man) Ron was our waiter at "Something" Lobster House (Pic to follow) Ron suggested what Becky should eat, it was amazing, and he was the first person to be nice to Becky, so she gets too attached/nice to Ron and scared him away. But, not before I asked Ron to pose for a picture with Becky!! *This is actually what pushed Ron over the edge. He seemed EXTREMELY hesitant to have his picture taken with Becky, but like a good waiter, did so in the end. He was so hesitant about it, that Becky and I discussed it and decided not to post the picture of Ron. We ran through many scenerios of why Ron would be afraid of the camera. Maybe the resturant didn't allow it? Maybe his religion didn't allow it? Maybe he was married? (Beck checked later, no ring) OR maybe Ron was not a legal citizen? Standing away from the situation now, I think Ron was just terrified of us. Namely Becky.
So, we can't get an early flight out. We are both getting homesick. We check out the next morning, head back to North Portland to stop at Becky's Diner to get t-shirts and coffee cups ,then start driving back to Boston. I must say, I was driving until New Hampshire and went through 2 toll booths, both people were very congenial to me. When Becky took over driving, the last 2 people were very grouchy. Just an observation not a judgement:))
We make it safely through to the airport (Got turned around a couple of times, I was forced to do another illegal U-turn, gassed up the car, went to the Hilton to rent a room, Becky FINALLY met someone that liked her (the porter) and drove back to Hertz to drop Miss Cinnamon Chip off. Fare thee well Miss Chip. I hope whomever rents you next, loves you as much as Becky and I do.
The hotel comes and picks us up, we get in our room, the TV doesn't work, they send a guy to fix it, we are so very homesick that we can't hardly talk. We are watching and waiting for the dreaded snow to start. We are told by many locals that it would take a foot of snow to shut the airport down. We are not comforted. BUT after the longest night of our life (AND the worst pizza in the world!!) We leave the hotel at 7am and take a shuttle to the airport!
I did leave out the woman from Switzerland who borrowed by phone outside the hotel, in the rain, while we were smoking. Her flight to Newark, NJ had been cancelled, her family was still in NJ and her husband was presumably still at the airport waiting for her. Her phone was dead because 'our country's" outlet didnt' match her cord. I felt so bad for her:( I made her use my cell to call her daughter and proceeded to hear her say almost every cuss word I have ever heard. It was very awkward.
Back to departure. Scanned our boarding pass, got our tickets, was told our bags had to be checked, even though they weren't on the flight over. Tried to pay with credit card, machine wouldn't work. Hollered at Becky who was in line to check our bags. She takes her shoe off and gets enough cash to cover the $50.00, realize I have to be in line with Becky ( I am told later that when she stopped to get the money out of her shoe that some smart alec man hollered at her from the back of the line, would have given me pleasure at that point to have heard him so I could have given some awesome smart retort back at him) ANYWAY, we give the lady our ID"s and the 3/$20's to pay for the baggage and she tells us that she has no change. REALLY? But, she can take the credit card. So she does, and she is actually nice to Becky so I like her. We go get in line for security. Take our shoes off, coats, empty pockets (as the man hollers several time,"check your pockets and check them again!") , go through the body scan (I resist the urge to jiggle my boobies) and make it to our gate. We finally get on the plane. We are sitting together, our plane waiting in line on the runway. I have Becky's camera and the man in front of us is trying to sleep. But I desperately want to take pics of the ocean right next to us. So, I click real quick like and put the camera down , we move a little up and I see something else to capture...so I pick it up and click real quick like again and put the camera down. I do this a lot and am pleased to say that the man doesn't say a word to me about the clicking in this ear when he is trying to sleep:))
So, we take off, yada yada yada, are served our snack, I share my theory with Becky about the safety of a plane once snack is served, she thinks I'm stupid, take a few more pics in the man's ear and land safely in Columbus where our knights in a white car are waiting for us.
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