Tuesdays with Mom

Our day out to do our "ginnin'" use to be on Mondays..then it switched to Wednesdays and has lately morphed into  Tuesdays. (Well, it was Tuesday this week because mom had an appointment with her Lupus doctor and I must attend because I despise that place.)
The young man that she sees is wonderful..it is the absurdly rude signs that are hanging in the waiting area that infuriate me. One sign in particular informs the patients in the waiting room that they "are not to complain to each other about the wait time..if they have a problem then bring it to the office manager!!"  Exclamation points are thrown around with abandon on these signs. Let me just say this, and I will leave the medical office scene, No one can tell me what I can and cannot talk about because...this is America.
After dreaded appointment we head back down Rt.23 to Hobby Lobby...where we will grab a squeaky wheeled cart and buy nothing. Oh, we can "window shop" like nobody's business, we make future plans to save our money and buy things, yet we never do. I think we are always drawn there because of the amount of vehicles in the parking lot. We are just driving along, look up and see a multitude of colored metal and think "We must join this gathering! There are still parking spaces left; better grab one while we can!" 20 minutes later we leave empty handed and are faced with the never changing reality that pulling out of the parking lot is a 50/50 chance of survival. Especially if turning left to back track to Walmart. To the left is a dangerous little curve that makes my heart react the same way that it does during one of those movies where you don't know when the killer is going to jump out and scare the bejeebers out of you. You can't really blame the drivers coming around that curve, they have just gotten through one of the shortest turning lane lights that Kentucky has. I'm sure their adrenaline is still surging from having made it through the first time...as their maniacal smiling faces can atest.
We finally make it back to 23 and are headed up the hill to Walmart. Mom squints through the windsheild and says, "Is that Diane?!" For some reason, about 1/3 of the time we are in Greenup/Boyd Counties mom thinks that her sister Diane is directly in front of us at some point on the road.
I say "I don't know."
Mom.."I think it is."
Me.."I don't know"
Mom.."I think it's her."
Me.."Hmm..I don't know"
(We have now pulled into Walmart parking lot)
Woman in the car ahead turns so we get a profile view..
Mom.."That's not Diane! That woman has blonde hair...haha"
Me.."Is that the kind of car she drives? I don't even know what she drives."
Mom..."Oh, I don't know either, I just thought that looked like the back of Diane's head."
Yes, that is what she said.
Which is why I started laughing when I was walking through Walmart's parking lot later, I was reminded of another day that Mom and I saw Diane in front of us.

That morning we had twice been pushed off the road on Rt.2 by state truck workers, of course, we discussed this all the long way up Rt. 2, getting more and more put out about it.
We are heading up 23 right where the Industrial Parkway exit is, when we see police lights...as we get closer we realise that a state truck has had a minor accident...HA! That is what they get, driving like maniacs! Hahahaha we are laughing at someone's misfortune (which is wrong, very wrong) but once we started laughing it became even funnier.
I think this time it was me that looked up and said , "Is that Diane in front of us?" (At that time she drove a red car and we new what it looked like)
Mom agrees that is is Diane and suggests that she call her cell phone and tell her the funny story about our encounters with state trucks. Since apparently Diane has just witnessed the same accident ,she too ,will find the humor in our story.
So, mom calls her.
She tells Diane the whole story while I am laughing hysterically in the background. Mom is laughing so hard that she can barely get out the punch line about the fender bender. Oh we are funny! We are so clever and witty.
I hear mom start saying, "You know, the wreck you just passed back there, we are right behind you!'
...."On 23 we are right behind you!"..."How could you miss that wreck back there at the light??"
Then mom pauses....and finally says, "Diane?" Is this Diane?
Apparently it isn't because not only did the woman not witness the accident on 23, she doesn't even have a sister named Quack.
Hmmm....this is a tad embarrassing and a little more than funny.
Mom is apologizing and explaining that she meant to call her sister, and assured the woman that she sounds amazingly like her sister Diane.
I almost had to pull over from laughing after she finally hung up.
Walmart is always an adventure. One particular reason is because of mom's eyesight.
We will be trotting down the aisle and mom will suddenly sideswipe some poor shopper.
She always apologizes profusely and explains that she has lost most of her peripheral vision.
Then she turns to me and  says (everytime) "You have to watch me Shelley! I'm telling you that I can't see much in my peripheral vision, it's like I have those horse blinders on, I'll run in to people if you don't watch me."
It makes me want to come up from behind her when she is sitting and slowly move my head around from the back of her head, to see when she can see that I'm there. Actually, that would be enjoyable for the whole family to witness, I may try this next month when our family gets together:)) I will try to get a picture of me doing that and post it to this blog!