Self Hypnosis...Hmmm...

Thanks to Pixel of Ink, I found a free book for my Kindle yesterday. The subject? Self Hypnosis. Who in their right mind could pass up that offer?!  The first few chapters introduce me to the truths and myths of hypnosis...it's all about getting to the subconscious level of your mind, to change certain behaviors. No crazy hocus pocus and such, which made me trust this author....so after being assured that you can get yourself into an "awake hypnotized" state by reading the passage aloud; then jumping to the section of what you want changed about yourself, then waking yourself up, I decided to try it...if nothing else it would make an awesome blog.
I am suppose to be in a comfortable chair, with low lights and relaxing music playing in the background. I plop myself down into the recliner in the kitchen corner and turn the TV in the living room to 40's music. Of course my dog, Bana follows me. Fine. I let her jump onto the chair with me rather than risk her interrupting my meditative state. We are both settled in, so I turn to the section that I am suppose to read aloud to gain access to my subconscious.  Here is how it goes: (Regular type is what I was reading aloud, italics  are what I was thinking)
 "Feeling a sense of privacy and comfort, I allow the sound of my own voice to soothe..."
(my voice sounds like a man...it's isn't soothing at all...I wish I had a more feminine voice)
..."My mind is becoming clear like a mountain lake"
(why do they always think that mountain lakes are calming? I hate mosquitoes.)
...."I imagine that I'm sitting on a comfortable chair on a beautiful beach"
(i've always had to sit on a towel at the beach...ok, pretend that I'm sitting in this recliner on the beach...that's good..)
..."I hear the waves crashing on the shore"
(that's what's on my sound machine at night when I go to sleep! Maybe I should be doing this in the bedroom where I can listen to the waves...but I don't have a chair back there...I'll stay in here..)
.."The golden rays of the sun is warming my scalp.."
(the last time I was at the beach, I got horribly sunburned....like I am right now...I only stayed 15 minutes, why the crap did I burn? Maybe I have Lupus like mom...I mean seriously, it's been almost a week and I'm peeling! It's disgusting...I wonder if Casey felt the skin coming off of my back when we went to sleep last  night...the girl that runs the tanning bed is so sweet though...I even bought a t-shirt from her place...hey! I'm wearing it right now...odd...)
...."The healing light softens my throat so the words flow out easily, effortlessly.."
(I cannot say the word effortlessly...he shouldn't put hard to say words in this part of the book if we have to read it out loud..)
..."A golden radiance floods my solar plexus"
(solar plexus....that's my stomach area I think...)
..."I mentally scan my pelvis and buttocks"
(*snort* I had to say buttocks out loud...how does he do this to an audience...I bet he says it really fast like "buttucks" instead of "but-tocks"...hmmm..I am feeling more relaxed...maybe I'm just sleepy)
..."Even my feet and toes feel warm..."
(Amil is scratching the leather couch again...arrgghh...we can't afford to repair a couch..Casey is not going to be happy when he sees that..")
..."inward toward the center of my mind..."
(I wish I could close my eyes and read at the same time...stinky butt Alex is getting ready to jump up on the table...I can't yell at him because I'm relaxing...he will wake up Bana and I'll have to listen to her toenails clatter on the floor...stupid animals..)
.."I'm walking toward a tall modern building and go through the revolving doors..."
(I hate revolving doors...you have to time it just right to get in AND to get out..there is always people staring at me when I go through those things...that one in Louisville was terrifying...)
..."Inside the building stands a strong, armed security guard..."
(well that's no good, all I can see is Casey now...did I tell him I was going to try this today?..can't remember...I wonder if I embarrass him sometimes?...)
..."I see myself in the reflection of the elevators.."
(good lord that's not relaxing..I look like a man right now...stupid haircut...with my hair and my voice I'm the alpha male...I wonder if I can hypnotize my body into growing my hair back quicker..and curly!...curls would help hid the cowlicks..get in the elevator shelley..)
..."I push floor 10 and the elevator starts to go down  starting with floor 1..."
(that's a little confusing...you would think if the elevator were going down, it would start at 10 and go down...)
..."When I get to floor ten I will be hypnotized..."
(oh, I get it now...so I'm almost done? Hmm....meh..stray cats are using my french door for a scratching post..what am I going to do with them? dog pound won't come get them...i can't afford to have them all fixed...there are too many of them...ellen degeneres loves animals..she can't judge me, she has money to take care of strays, I don't..I wonder if she would take them? no...she would film it and I would have to try to clean up the back porch.....i really don't know what to do with them...why is it always up to me?...)
..."Ten, I enter a room with a fireplace..."
(what? I thought I  was done at ten...i do like this room though..this is relaxing...)
..."You are now hypnotized with your eyes open..."
(well, that's a let down...)


So anyway, I then turn to the section about being stress free..read the whole thing, count to five and am Awake, Awake, Awake! Hmmmm....ok. I come in here to blog about it..the muscle in my neck draws up on me...I clinch my fist and count to 3 slowly while releasing...just like the stress free section told me to do...it's scary to say, but it worked. The muscle relaxed. I don't know what to say about this...maybe this book did do something? I'm not sure, but I got another blog post done:))