Mornin' Arlo!

Anyone that knows me, has heard stories about our dog Bana and our cats, Nikki, Stinky Butt Alex and Amil. Those are the indoor cats (well, not so much Stinky Butt anymore...He and Nikki are indoor/outdoor cats but Stinky Butt Alex has experienced some urination problems lately..sooooooo..)
My day typically begins by being awaken by Bana. Usually about 30 minutes before my alarm is set to go off. Once Bana sees that she has lured me out of my dream, by alternately barking then licking my eyebrow, the stop watch begins. I only have so much time  to stumble out of the bed, turn the existing alarm off, shuffle into the living room , get and attach her leash, slide my feet into whatever shoes happen to be beside the front door and if I'm lucky find a random jacket to don. If I don't get this done in a timely manner, Bana will squat and pee on the first available spot. In her defense, she does look apologetic...but doesn't take all the blame. It's like she is saying "We need to work on our routine".
 Most days we make it outside. As we exit through the front door, all urgency that Bana had to pee is instantly gone. Every morning the first thing she does is to run over to Max's doghouse on the porch. She pokes her nose inside and (from now on I will be making the animals talk, because it is what I hear in my head anyway) SO she pokes her head inside the doghouse, sniffs, wakes Max up then looks back at me and says, "He's here. Talking Yellow Cat is in there with him. Everything is fine, they should be out in a minute." I am then pulled off of the porch so Bana can find the perfect spot to pee and poo. Two different spots. It would be considered uncouth to use the same spot for both! Max has now stretched his 10 year old legs and joined us...he spends a few moments ruining every spot that Bana wants to pee on by moving directly to the spot that she is sniffing and hiking his leg. They do this EVERY morning. I encourage Bana to go pee pee; go poo poo...nicely at first...then with more urgency...eventually I have to holler at Max to stop following Bana around...pet Max, encourage Bana; ignore Talking Yellow Cat who is on the porch yelling "Food?! You'll be feeding me soon, right? I'm gonna go on around back...I'll meet you there...be on the back porch ledge as usual...Did you hear me?"  (Insert my first sigh of the day here)
Bana finally does her business so we head back to the house. Talking Yellow Cat has ran to the back porch  to inform the stray cats that breakfast will be served soon. Nikki has appeared and is waiting by the front door to be let in for the day. He is no nonsense and barely tolerates Bana. This doesn't stop Bana from bouncing around Nikki as I open the storm door barking "Mornin'! Can you believe it's dawn already? Whadja do last night?" (Usually at this point Nikki raises his paw in warning) Bana backs off with nonchalance..
As I open the front door, both Nikki and Bana push and shove to be the first through the door. Sometimes it gets more confusing because Alex is trying to make his way out of the door. Which always confuses me because he isn't allowed to spend the night inside of the house.We (everyone in the house) cannot figure out how he is getting in. No one admits to letting him in. We check windows to make sure he isn't slinking in through a 3 inch gap. He is just like Houdini. It's a little unsettling if I think about it too much...
So, Alex is slinking out whispering, "Don't look at me guys, no eye contact..stop sniffing me Bana! Great,now she see's me, thanks a lot loser." Alex out, Bana and Nikki in.
They both run straight into the kitchen, where Amil is waiting. She has heard the morning chaos and knows it's time for breakfast. Bana has her food bowl in the floor by the french door. I put the cat's food bowl on top of this desk-like piece of furniture in the kitchen so they can eat without Bana wolfing it down first.
I scoop a cup full of food and pour it into Bana's bowl...Nikki saunters over and starts eating delicate little feline bites. This pushes Bana over the edge. She stands beside Nikki and starts a barking frenzie, "Oh my gosh Nikki! You KNOW that is mine! It's mine! Mom...MOM! You're such a jerk Nikki...none of us like you...Arrrghhhh!!!"
By this time I have filled the cat bowl and Amil has jumped up to partake and enjoy the show below her. Now it is time for me to distract Bana...I do this by feeding the stray cats that are lined up outside the french door. This causes Bana to start her dance of delight. She LOVES to watch the stray cats eat.
I open the french door and the Tower of Babble begins. All of the stray cats start talking and running. Talking Yellow Cat is perched on the ledge beside the door. As I put my arm out to pour the food, he reaches out with his big fat paw and swipes at me...talking the whole time..."Took your sweet time gettin' back here didn't you tootse?" (I have never actually heard him say "tootse" but it sounds like something he would say)  Meanwhile Bana is screaming excitedly "Hey guys! Hey!! I would soooo come out and play with you all, but mom won't let me.."
Lately, something new has been happening during this ritual. Talking Yellow Cat's son, who my oldest named Arlo, has taken advantage of the chaos to slip inside while the other cat's are running around the porch. This is something new for Bana. She hops backwards and looks at me in disbelief. Her dreams have come true! She has an orphan to play with...
Nikki is ignoring Arlo, as he is just grateful that Bana has stopped screaming at him.
Amil is done nibbling and is sitting on the shelf above the cat food bowl.
I pick Arlo up and put him beside the food to which he attacks like he has never eaten (he does every morning, he just isn't use to having a bowl to himself)
Being Talking Yellow Cat's son, Arlo is very adept at talking and eating at the same time. Bana has jumped up onto the recliner behind Arlo and Amil is above him. Arlo takes a mouthful of food then starts regaling them with the life of a stray cat. They are enthralled. Amil has become hypnotized by Arlo's tail. She really really wants to touch that tail. Bana keeps jumping up and doing a quick sniff while Arlo's back is turned. Arlo takes a bite, says a word or two, then rubs his nose on Amil, then Bana. By this time Nikki has finished eating and is ignoring them all while bathing.

I was watching them this morning and decided to take a couple of shots with my phone camera for everyone to enjoy (and to prove that I wasn't making it up) By the time I put Arlo back out, my coffee has perked and Bana has perched on the back of the couch for a nap. Nikki is asleep on the living room recliner and Amil is running away from the fireplace (the fire kicked on as she was sitting on the hearth and scared the bejeebers out of her Bwahahahaha) Thus my day has begun....  ****The last pic is one of Nikki...this is his normal look of disdain***

Self Hypnosis...Hmmm...

Thanks to Pixel of Ink, I found a free book for my Kindle yesterday. The subject? Self Hypnosis. Who in their right mind could pass up that offer?!  The first few chapters introduce me to the truths and myths of hypnosis...it's all about getting to the subconscious level of your mind, to change certain behaviors. No crazy hocus pocus and such, which made me trust this author....so after being assured that you can get yourself into an "awake hypnotized" state by reading the passage aloud; then jumping to the section of what you want changed about yourself, then waking yourself up, I decided to try it...if nothing else it would make an awesome blog.
I am suppose to be in a comfortable chair, with low lights and relaxing music playing in the background. I plop myself down into the recliner in the kitchen corner and turn the TV in the living room to 40's music. Of course my dog, Bana follows me. Fine. I let her jump onto the chair with me rather than risk her interrupting my meditative state. We are both settled in, so I turn to the section that I am suppose to read aloud to gain access to my subconscious.  Here is how it goes: (Regular type is what I was reading aloud, italics  are what I was thinking)
 "Feeling a sense of privacy and comfort, I allow the sound of my own voice to soothe..."
(my voice sounds like a man...it's isn't soothing at all...I wish I had a more feminine voice)
..."My mind is becoming clear like a mountain lake"
(why do they always think that mountain lakes are calming? I hate mosquitoes.)
...."I imagine that I'm sitting on a comfortable chair on a beautiful beach"
(i've always had to sit on a towel at the beach...ok, pretend that I'm sitting in this recliner on the beach...that's good..)
..."I hear the waves crashing on the shore"
(that's what's on my sound machine at night when I go to sleep! Maybe I should be doing this in the bedroom where I can listen to the waves...but I don't have a chair back there...I'll stay in here..)
.."The golden rays of the sun is warming my scalp.."
(the last time I was at the beach, I got horribly sunburned....like I am right now...I only stayed 15 minutes, why the crap did I burn? Maybe I have Lupus like mom...I mean seriously, it's been almost a week and I'm peeling! It's disgusting...I wonder if Casey felt the skin coming off of my back when we went to sleep last  night...the girl that runs the tanning bed is so sweet though...I even bought a t-shirt from her place...hey! I'm wearing it right now...odd...)
...."The healing light softens my throat so the words flow out easily, effortlessly.."
(I cannot say the word effortlessly...he shouldn't put hard to say words in this part of the book if we have to read it out loud..)
..."A golden radiance floods my solar plexus"
(solar plexus....that's my stomach area I think...)
..."I mentally scan my pelvis and buttocks"
(*snort* I had to say buttocks out loud...how does he do this to an audience...I bet he says it really fast like "buttucks" instead of "but-tocks"...hmmm..I am feeling more relaxed...maybe I'm just sleepy)
..."Even my feet and toes feel warm..."
(Amil is scratching the leather couch again...arrgghh...we can't afford to repair a couch..Casey is not going to be happy when he sees that..")
..."inward toward the center of my mind..."
(I wish I could close my eyes and read at the same time...stinky butt Alex is getting ready to jump up on the table...I can't yell at him because I'm relaxing...he will wake up Bana and I'll have to listen to her toenails clatter on the floor...stupid animals..)
.."I'm walking toward a tall modern building and go through the revolving doors..."
(I hate revolving doors...you have to time it just right to get in AND to get out..there is always people staring at me when I go through those things...that one in Louisville was terrifying...)
..."Inside the building stands a strong, armed security guard..."
(well that's no good, all I can see is Casey now...did I tell him I was going to try this today?..can't remember...I wonder if I embarrass him sometimes?...)
..."I see myself in the reflection of the elevators.."
(good lord that's not relaxing..I look like a man right now...stupid haircut...with my hair and my voice I'm the alpha male...I wonder if I can hypnotize my body into growing my hair back quicker..and curly!...curls would help hid the cowlicks..get in the elevator shelley..)
..."I push floor 10 and the elevator starts to go down  starting with floor 1..."
(that's a little confusing...you would think if the elevator were going down, it would start at 10 and go down...)
..."When I get to floor ten I will be hypnotized..."
(oh, I get it now...so I'm almost done? Hmm....meh..stray cats are using my french door for a scratching post..what am I going to do with them? dog pound won't come get them...i can't afford to have them all fixed...there are too many of them...ellen degeneres loves animals..she can't judge me, she has money to take care of strays, I don't..I wonder if she would take them? no...she would film it and I would have to try to clean up the back porch.....i really don't know what to do with them...why is it always up to me?...)
..."Ten, I enter a room with a fireplace..."
(what? I thought I  was done at ten...i do like this room though..this is relaxing...)
..."You are now hypnotized with your eyes open..."
(well, that's a let down...)


So anyway, I then turn to the section about being stress free..read the whole thing, count to five and am Awake, Awake, Awake! Hmmmm....ok. I come in here to blog about it..the muscle in my neck draws up on me...I clinch my fist and count to 3 slowly while releasing...just like the stress free section told me to do...it's scary to say, but it worked. The muscle relaxed. I don't know what to say about this...maybe this book did do something? I'm not sure, but I got another blog post done:))