My trip to New York City...

Well...I made it to New York and back without dying. I feel that is a great accomplishment, although I had nothing to do with it, I'm sure God wanted to prove to me that he is quite capable of taking care of me, thank you very much. So, thank you God for keeping me from being hit by an irate taxi driver, who doesn't care that I am a tourist who doesn't walk at a brisk enough pace to cross the street before the little red hand pops up. Thank you God for giving me the patience to sleep in a room with 3 teenage girls and not ruin their fun. Thank you God for the porta pottie on the bus for when I consumed far too much coffee on the 13 hour drive....and only got 2 pit stops. Thank you God for the continental breakfast at the hotel, that provided eggs and sausage every morning at 6 am....Thank you God for Head-On, that not only works on foreheads but also on neck muscles after you have walked for 8 hours in the rain shopping....Thank you God for cell phones, so I could call my husband and kids and hear their voices every day, so I could text Amy, Leigh Anna, James and Roy non-stop to make me feel like I was still at home....Thank you God for McDonalds in New York where you always know they have a bathroom......Thank you God for keeping me, Sammi, Brooke and Les safe from the crazy man outside the pizza place who was ranting and raving at us because a woman poked him with her umbrella.....Thank you God for using me as comic relief for the travel weary in the group when I kept calling the Empire State Building the Eiffel Tower and for when I called the Brooklyn Bridge the Golden Gate Bridge.....Thank you God for giving me the strength to climb into that elevator at the Empire State Bldg. which makes it to the 80th floor in less than 45 seconds and for the strength to walk around the top taking pictures with the appearance that I didn't have a care in the world...Thank you God for the bathrooms in the Empire State Bldg.....Thank you God for seeing only 3 people donning masks against the swine flu....Thank you God for the intermission and the end of Phantom of the Opera....Thank you God for umbrellas and hoodies......Thank you God for not letting me be arrested when I smacked a NYPD officer in the chest while I was laughing and saying something stupid to him.....Thank you God for ponytail holders that is the only thing that saved me from looking like a freak at the end of the day......Thank you God for holding me back from jumping over the counter at a McDonalds in WV and beating up the little jerk behind the register, I only smarted off to him which is much better.......Thank you God for waking me up just in time when I almost fell out of my aisle seat on the bus......Thank you God for not letting it be a stomach virus that the child in my room had on Monday morning when she woke up and promptly threw up.....Thank you God that the stupid singing cows at Hershey's only sang a short song on the silly tour....Thank you God for the free chocolate at the end of the tour.....Thank you God for not letting me miss the ferry from Ellis Island...Thank you God for not letting me miss the bus when we had to find the street ourselves to board it.....Thank you God for check out time at the hotel...Thank you God for the secret bathroom in the hotel by the laundry room....Thank you God for letting me see ground zero 8 years later and for sparing me on the day that it took place....Thank you God for all the new friends I made and all the memories shared....Thank you God for the friends that texted me while I was there to only say "It's time to come home now"....Thank you God for letting me make it back and giving me the chance to go. I do appreciate it all.....

Randomness (I don't care if it's a real word or not!)

Ever since I started blogging, I find myself going through the day filing away little tidbits that happen for future blogs..I am constantly saying to myself , "My next blog is going to be about that!" then by the time I log on I can't remember what was so daggone funny.
I totally had something picked out yesterday to blog about last night, I even told Amy about it (because I think it's something she did)..but I have tried and tried to remember to no avail. It's very annoying.
I did take some time yesterday morning to shoot a BB-Gun at one of the stupid roosters that keep coming into Amy's yard....I use to be a good shot...use to be. In my defense it was a very tiny rooster and it was walking over the bank..Amy did keep hollering at me to "aim low", but it didn't help much....that is what we do in Kentucky when we visit friends. We sit under the carport/porch in the swing with our coffee and various weapons and take pot shots at errant animals. Neither one of us thought it unusual at all and there was no laughter about it, just annoyance that the BB Gun wasn't working properly at the beginning..lo and behold, the safety was on...who woulda thunk it?
I'm still trying to remember what I thought was so funny yesterday...maybe if I keep typing randomly it will come to me...
We went to Bob Evans to eat and let me tell you, their fried cornmeal mush with warm syrup is to DIE for!!!
Amy bought a box of ShamWow towels at Walmart and frankly I now know why they are called "Sham" wow! She will buy anything that is "As seen on tv", anything.
I have the new kitten sleeping with me everynight....which is really sweet, but I almost killed it the other night. I was half asleep and it moved, well, in my dream-like state I thought a mouse had climbed up into the bed with me..so I slung it...thank goodness the bed covers caught it or it would have flew across the room and slammed into the wall, because it weighs about as much as a feather. Last night it woke me up at 4 am by sticking it's nose way back into my ear canal, and trying to nurse off of my ear drum....I had to get up and take her to the food bowl and then put her into the litter box....it's like having a new born again.
Well, I give up, I cannot remember. I shall call it Blog Fog...maybe it was the ShamWow, maybe that seemed funnier yesterday? Who knows....

My Granny Brown

I love my Granny Brown...I love her very much, but she is exhausting. I went to the library yesterday morning, on the way back through I stopped at Granny's. The first thing that happened was that the door was locked..fine...I knocked...and waited..and waited. I started getting nervous, why wasn't she answering?! I went to the cellar to get the spare key, but alas, I have no clue where they hide it..(not that I haven't been told, I just can't remember). I try the door again. No answer. I go to my car and desperately try to get a signal on my cell phone to try calling her..as I'm doing this I am taken aback at a raspy voice screaming behind me .,"Who is it?" I turn in mid-dial to see Granny squinting at me from the door....I yell "It's me Granny" which always puts her at ease...it doesn't matter if it's a robber, If they just say "It's me Granny" she will welcome them into her home and ask them to let the cat out.
So, I'm obviously thrilled that she is ok and I trot across the bridge and on into the house...as soon as I go through the door I say "How are you doing Granny?" She promptly replies "Oh, I'm not going to make it much longer honey. How are you?" Thus my visit begins.
Now, the rest of the visit gets a little blurry....I'm not sure of the exact order of things but I'm going to try to recreate them....
I ask (of course) Granny whats wrong? Is she sick at her stomach? Are her legs aching? Is she having trouble breathing? I try to pinpoint why she may not make it much longer...she gives me the same vague answer that she always does..."Oh honey, I don't know, I'm hurtin' all over.." Well, there isn't much I can do about all over hurt, so I stick to the trick that always works...I offer to wash her feet.
This is a ritual that I go through every time I'm over there....I say "Granny do you want me to wash your feet"
she replies "Oh Amy, I mean Quack, Oh I mean SHELLEY! (chuckles and says I'm just a crazy old lady) I don't want you to have to do that."
I say "I don't care to do it, or I wouldn't bring it up"
She says, "Well, you'll have to get some lotion because my legs are itching real bad again..I don't know what is causing that"
(I say nothing here, because she doesn't want me to come up with an answer, she has her own ready to deliver.)
She says, "I tell you what I think it is..I think they liked to killed me with that medicine they put me on when I came home from the hospital..It liked to burn me up! I've been itching every since!"
(I mumble a sound that is taken as agreement)
She says, "Oh, (sigh) I don't know Shelley, it's bad when you get to be an old woman...."
(I wisely don't reply)
By this point I have her socks off and her feet is in the bowl of water. Then she jerks her head up and says "Whose out there?" I'm telling you she has the hearing of a bat...maybe it's where she is almost blind, but she can hear a cat purring outside...so I get up to look, and lo and behold, there is someone out there. The oxygen man. I tell Granny this. I swear, she sighs/groans and lays her head back against her recliner...how dare he intrude on her valuable time by checking her oxygen machine?!
I say "Do you want to let your feet soak until he's done?"
She says, (rather grouchy) "Yeah, might as well wait until he leaves".
I go to open the door for him....but he is still in his truck doing his paperwork, Granny wants to know what is taking him so long to come in, and I explain...finally he comes in. Granny suddenly turns into Miss Congeniality. She even smiles. Who is this woman?! I go into the kitchen for something (I can't remember what) but when I open the fridge door, there is something spilled all over the inside! I mean ALL OVER!! I say, "Granny! What is all over your fridge?"
She says, "Huh?" (meanwhile Mr. Oxygen is checking the tank) I say "Something has leaked all over your fridge!" (then I see what it is) "Oh, ewww, it's Worchestshire sauce!" Now, I type that like it wasn't hard to say...but if you are a Brown, with our speach problems, you would be surprised how many times I had to try to say it)
During this Mr. Oxygen delcares her tank full....Granny remembers that she needs new ends put on her oxygen nose thingy...so she tells him...in great detail ,that she needs this. He smiles and says I will go get some for you out of the truck...Granny grunts...(she is losing her Miss Congeniality) meanwhile I am wiping down the inside of the fridge...he comes back in with the ends...Granny decides he doesn't know how to slide them on properly, so she wobbles/shuffles into the bedroom with him. I holler "Granny go sit down, he knows what he is doing"...she sits back and and I hear her feet going back into the water...Jeesh, I forgot she was still soaking her feet!! Mr. Oxygen goes to her and says something and I hear her say "Shelley can do it" I'm thinking "what?" I have Worchestshire sauce all over my hands and a wet, soapy dishrag that is now stained brown...Mr. Oxygen comes into the kitchen with a clipboard...apparently someone needs to sign it...well, that's easy! (First easy thing since I pulled into the driveway)..I sign and he happily leaves.
I finally get the fridge cleaned up, so I go to wash her feet...the water is now on the cooler side....so I hurry. I can't really remember what we discuss during this...but I do it and get her a fresh pair of socks, roll the dirty socks together (so they won't get parted from each other) and empty/wash the bowl..
I decide to make some small talk...so I say, "Oh, I see Diane made you some cornbread yesterday" Granny (who is nothing if not sly) says, "Yes, I told her to get me some buttermilk and sweet milk and she used most of it cooking!" I know where this is going, so I say, "Oh, Granny, I should have called you before I went to the library to see if you needed anything! I knew Diane had went to the grocery store for you, so I didn't think you would need anything"..
She puts on a brave front and says that maybe if Danny wasn't too busy he could pick up some for her...I leave it at that.
I ask her if she has plenty of water pills cut up for her bedside pill bottle...she doesn't have a clue...so I check. It's fine. The pills reminds her that her kitchen floor feels crumbly...because she dropped a pill and as she bent down to pick it up she felt cornmeal and such around the base of the cabinets. I take this hint and go to sweep..I can't find the broom.
I say "Granny, where's your broom?"
She says, "Diane had it on the back porch and I bet she left it out there! It's been raining...(insert sigh here ), I'm probably going to have to buy a new broom now!" (Really? Because it rained on it?)
I say nothing and retrieve the broom. As I'm sweeping my cell phone chirps. I have a text message! Granny hollers "What is that?" I tell her my friend Amy is texting me. She grunts. I answer and go back to sweeping..It chirps again..Granny hollers, "Well, there goes your phone again!" I say "yeah" and go answer...go back to sweeping....It chirps again...Granny hollers, "Doesn't she have anything to do? She is spending alot of time on that phone!!" I mumble some kind of explanation and turn the sound to silent...I will explain to Amy later. Meanwhile, some stupid clock starts cock-a-doodle-dooing like a rooster....20 times!!! And she is mad that my cell phone chirps?
I'm done sweeping. I decide to sit on the couch and spend some time talking with Granny before I have to leave. We discuss various family members, the cat's habit of making her get up all night long and how big her stomach is getting....
She asks if the fridge is clean now..I say yes...she says "Did you see any cucumbers in there?" She knows there are cucumbers in that fridge because I bought them for her..I say "Yeah, there are 3".. she says, "I'm going to have to get someone to cut them up before they go bad"...she is nothing if not subtle...I go to cut up the cucumbers..I'm getting tired and start planning my exit.... I fix her a bowl of cucumbers and her dip, have to run to her bed to get her bottom dentures and bring it all to her....she smiles. This makes me so happy that I decide to describe some of the blogs that Becky/Heather and Brenda have written...she chuckles...then says "For some reason Brenda's number is not in my new phone" Now, I know she wants me to look up Brenda's number and program it into her phone...I hate this phone. We all hate this stupid phone. If I touch it, and it for some reason stops working, I will be blamed and talked about for years to come....so I say something to the fact of "I'm sure mom can put it in when she comes over"...(Brenda Call Granny!!!)
I decide I need to leave...I lean down to give her a kiss and she says, "Will you put these cucumbers back in the fridge with some foil over top of them?" I say "Yep" She then gives me a kiss and tells me to drive careful because she doesn't know what she would do if something happened to me....I tell her I love her, put the cucumbers in the fridge, grab my cell phone and ask the all important question, "Do you want me to lock the door as I go?" She says, "Yeah, go ahead and lock it"....so I lock the door, so the next person who comes up can stand on the back porch and knock...and knock...and worry....

I'm not lying when I tell you I was there less than an hour. Less...than...an...hour....I love my Granny Brown....I do...

My Amy.....

I have many friends...friends that I've known since I was born...I love them all. But, there is one that, for some reason, I didn't find until around 11 years ago? I'm not sure about the first time I met her, I just know that for about 5 years now we have been inseparable.
This past year, actually it was Feb. of 2008, her husband left for a year tour in Afghanistan....I was heartbroken for her..we spent this last year together. EVERY Monday and almost every Thursday from August on, different days during the week when the kids were on summer break...and almost every holiday since St. Patricks Day....
We have laughed together ( a lot), cried together (some), threatened to hit each other (usually amidst the laughter) and lived together (briefly through the ice storm)...We have yelled at each others kids, griped about our husbands, praised our husbands and kids, praised ourselves for being martyrs, and eaten at Melini's almost every Monday for months...we have made many attainable goals and met very few of them, sit on porch swings for hours hiding from the kids, got through PMS together every month and shared clothes....she has "done" my hair too many times to count, held me down and plucked my eyebrows, and told me when I stunk like a man....I have told her she wasn't crazy, rubbed her head when she was scared, and have given her awkward hugs when she was crying....she has "sanded" the hair off of my elbows, offered to help bury the bodies when I want to kill my kids, and promised to wreak havoc with me when we are old and gray....I have sit with her on Christmas Eve until it was officially Christmas when I found her on her front steps crying and she has told me I was in the right during every argument with Casey even when I wasn't, we have thought of running away and changing our names to Menthol and Vidalia while making syrup in Vermont and then laughed about the fact that we wouldn't be able to stay away forever....we have given advice, taken advice, sneered at advice, and said the words "I'm Fine" too many times to count....we have drank countless cups of coffee and taken countless years off our our lives by worrying about the unknown.....we have drove Derek to the airport at 4 in the morning to send him back to Afghanistan when all we really wanted to do was keep driving until we made it to Mexico with him.....we have waited in the parking lot of Boyd Co. School for his bus to pull in when he finally came home for good....we have loved and been loved...mostly from each other....this is my blog to you Amy...I love you:)

Free Kittens

My sister-in-law, Becky has kittens...Now she tries to claim that my cat Theodore is the father of these kittens, but unless she wants to shell out some money for a DNA test, then she has no proof.
Maggie went to visit Owen the other day and BECKY showed her the kittens..now I don't know why Becky would do this...other than the fact that she is very evil. She is.
So, never mind the fact that we have at least 14 stray cats that live in our back yard, Maggie wants one of Becky's kittens...fine. Theodore is no longer a true indoor cat, he like to go outside and, well, apparently "cat around" (not that I'm admitting anything) As soon as the kittens are weaned I will be bringing one into my house so that I can have yet another living thing to take care of. I hold no grudges against dear Becky...I will just bide my time ;-) She will rue the day that she hoisted one of her animals off on me! Rue the day!! (I love to say that)
What's with the picture you are wondering? Well, this is a picture that Becky sent me of her beautiful brood of kittens...look closely at the one in the center....he/she is wall-eyed!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!! I must say that out of all my stray cat's not a one is wall-eyed...she will be stuck with that one for years...no-one is going to take it...it's a little scary.

The Fab Five

There are five of us....Shelley, Amy, Leigh Anna, Becky and Marianne...we are the "girls" of the "girls night out". We haven't been able to get together since, I think February , ...I miss it.
We do everything and nothing when we get together. There is ALWAYS food and ALWAYS laughter...sometimes tears, hugs and encouragement. Between the five of us we have 12 kids...12!
The last time we got together, we took all the kids rollerskating. Usually, we don't include the kids, that's the whole point of us being together...but at Amy's suggestion we went to Garden Rollerskating Rink. (Emily's birthday)
Leigh Anna and Marianne could not take the risk of donning a pair of skates, so they held down a quad-booth and babysat whichever kids who were not skating. Now, Becky, my dear Becky, turned into a roller skating fiend. She and my daughter Samantha (aka Samzie) took to the wooden floor and threw their heads back in laughter. My baby, my baby!, skated around the rink on her own. I didn't have one to "walk" around the rink anymore....it was wonderful and sad at the same time.
After a few times around, I was exhausted. Amy was second guessing her suggestion of the rink a few moments after we got there, and there was no toilet paper in the bathroom..or door. We tried to keep drinks separated, hands clean, shoes and purses in a pile and at least one eye on all the kids......Kelsey got sick, Owen and CJ got bored, Brody was scared, and Emily was being forced to be a hostess.... we spent money on video games, tattoos, pickles, mountain dews and overpriced pizza and nachos.....I can't remember how many hours we actually stayed, but I'm sure it seemed longer than it was...as we all gathered and dispersed various items of clothing, shoes and purses, (and after we dragged Becky off the skating rink) we headed for the parking lot. We decided that it had been an excellent time for all and laughed at memories already being remembered.....yes we would do this again! It was unanimous! As we caught each other's eyes, and all the kids were looking the other way, we silently added that the next roller rink night would be WITHOUT the kids....after all, that's one of the reasons we get together right? To not be mom's/wives? Don't you judge us! Maybe one day, you too can have a group of 5 that are dedicated to making it through this life with as much dignity and laughter as possible:)

Colons

I am not sure what to write about tonight...but I have to start off by saying if you haven't read my cousin Becky's blog (link is on my page) you must. Little Jimmy Chickens is something else.

Well, on to me. Let me just say that Ex-Lax is the devil. The devil I say. I have been "bound up" (as my Granny Brown would say) for a few days...the only time a promising intestinal pain would hit was very inopportune, as there was nowhere to go in private....so despite Amy's protests...I allowed Casey to give me 2 Ex-Lax pills. The fact that he smiled at me as he gave them to me should have been a clue that something was amiss. When you are in pain and look like you could possibly be pregnant, you tend to ignore subtle warnings.

I awoke to much hope, but nothing came of it. So, of course at 9:30am (right when I go down to open the Coop) and tremendous pain hits...I mean TREMENDOUS! Followed by a brief period of nausea. I run to the bathroom in fear and expectation.....and frankly I had made much ado about 'almost' nothing...so...I'm thinking, "well, this stuff apparently doesn't work for me"...

Oh, my children I was wrong....so very wrong.... Now..if you look on the back of an Ex-Lax box you will see directions, warnings, dosages and such....NO WHERE on this box does it list the horrendous side effects of it's product. Which include....profuse sweating each time a stomach cramp hits, bad timing of said cramps..such as ONLY when a customer walks up to the counter, an automatic rocking motion with arms akimbo across your stomach, a "smile-like grimace" permanently attached to your face (with beads of sweat across your eye-lids), and an ungainly walk/run as you try to make it to the bathroom without drawing attention to yourself.

In the end, (yes I did mean to make a pun), the product actually works...but (yet another pun), was it worth it?

At the risk of sounding even more like Granny Brown than I already do, I would say yes...there are few things worse than bowel problems...in fact...I think there should be a charity walk organized for constipation. People are so afraid to discuss it....I say WHY NOT? If my Granny can give a bowel update to any random person in line at the grocery store, then why can't I? I feel as if I have done my part to start the dialogue between friends and colons...isn't that how the world is suppose to be?

Oh No Not Again!!

I am with Becky....I am rapidly losing my mind. As previously posted I have had to cancel the spring teacher conference with Mags' teacher 2 times. I was suppose to be there today at 3:30....I remembered at 8:00. I didn't just remember...I remembered with much ado. I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth; which made Maggie gasp and throw her hand over her mouth. She then looked at me in all seriousness and said that I was 5 hours late. Now I have to send an apologetic letter to her teacher tomorrow and admit that it would be much easier if she would just send the papers that I need to sign home with Maggie...just like I did for the Fall parent/teacher conference. It's very embarrassing. I look like one of those mothers who don't care about their child's educational development. I do care, I really do...I just really needed a nap. It's not my fault. The true root of the cause is the cold front that came through last night. Now hear me out.... when the weather changes so quickly I tend to get a terrible sinus headache, which is what happened last night. The only sinus pill I could find was a prescription 24 hour pill....I'm not sure where it came from, but it was in my cabinet, so I took it. I got a total of 2 hours of sleep last night, restless, heart racing sleep....This stupid pill lasted until after 5:00 today! I HAD to lay down about 2:30 pm for a nap....I didn't wake up until 3:30pm when Maggie came in from school...by that time I had totally forgotten about the meeting. So, actually, it was out of my control. Due to an act of God through nature; I let my daughter down. Whew, I'm glad I got all that figured out, I am totally guilt free now.....blogging really does help!

Babble

So, I have been neglecting my blog....I feel really bad about this, as I am the one that started the whole thing...I vow not to do this again, even if I can only write a couple of lines a day. It's been one of those weeks, where nothing I try to do goes right. The kids are finally better (I think) and it's like I'm not sure how to function without a doctor appointment or a thermometer in hand. I'm starting to get use to it though...
I'm sitting on my front porch swing in the dark while a major storm is brewing. It was 70 some degrees today and the temp. is suppose to drop to 42 tonight, so tornado watches abound. Why can't it just be spring???
Casey just got off duty, so I'll be able to sleep safe tonight knowing that he is snoring away right next to me. . I can squeeze his ear while I read a book and fall asleep...life is good right now. Maybe this coming week will be better! I'm all about optimism (LOL)...
Here comes the thunder and rain....The laptop is not plugged in so I should be ok, if not and I get hit by lightening, you should all be proud knowing that you were the last ones to hear my thoughts..(as I said I'm all about optimism!!)

Sick Kids....and Fakers

I have learned when you have 3 kids and one of them is sick that it is best not to tell the other two what exactly is wrong with the first one. This helps you determine who else is actually getting sick and who is just grasping at straws. CJ was tested for the flu last Friday, came back negative, they said his throat was red and one ear looked bad...so they put him on a strong antibiotic that I will not try to spell but will call it the infamous Z pack. Anyway, both of the girls were gone off and on all weekend, so they have no clue for what he was tested. Flash forward to Sunday night...both girls started to get various ailments ranging from but not limited to, a stomach ache, a back ache , a head ache and a possible fever. Now..the fever claim can be dispelled with a mere touch of the hand to the forhead...No fever. Stomach ache is a little iffy, but is less believable when said child continues to eat like a horse. Back ache? I'm not sure, I think they were running out of ideas at this point and remembered that CJ has frequent back problems. Needless to say, although I give them kudos for trying their best, both girls got on the bus this morning. The little one had the nerve to make me come to school to get her for the infamous "stomach ache" but then went on to eat stuffed shells at Melini's and beg for a milkshake afterwards....I think she is a little liar. The 16 yr. old had the nerve to text me, FROM school and type in two little words..."mall tonight?".....are you kidding me??!!! I have to take CJ back to the doctor at 7:30 tonight and had to cancel YET AGAIN my spring parent/teacher conference with Maggie's teacher...I still haven't made it to the grocery store to get everything we need, and my brand new washer (supposedly state of the art) tends to gag on more than 3 pair of jeans, so I have to babysit the washer all day if I want to get any laundry done...BUT I'm going to make sure and take her to the mall tonight! AARRGGHH!!! Thus is my life. Welcome.

The Shed

I love where I live. This is the house that I grew up in; all my memories are from this place. I stepped out on the porch this morning to let the dog out, the sun was still low in the sky and I could smell the creek...the shed by the creek-bank has sheltered many different things over the years.
It's held hogs/pigs, different kinds of goats, horses, donkeys, it was a garage for go-carts and motorcycles, 3-wheelers and 4-wheelers, it was our club house and our nemesis when time to clean the junk out. All the grandkids have been in that shed to see the new baby animals and to help name them....they've gazed in jealousy at the go-cart that their parents had when they were little, and beg for it to be restored. Right now it holds the old Jeep Cheerokee that mom and dad bought to drive up to their cabin. Every bad flood that we have I hold my breath in hoping that the shed hangs on...there's not much in it right now that's worth anything...except for the memories. I wouldn't want to live anywhere else....I am home.

Dripping with Sarcasm

I wasn't sure what to talk about today....until I walked in from work and seen my house. I would like to dedicate this blog to my wonderful family, who out of deference to my well being decided it was best to leave the dishes unwashed and dirty laundry piled up in the bathroom floor.

What would I do without them? Bless their hearts, they worry if I sit down during the day that I am quenching my will to live. They know I hate the rare moments of coffee and a good book with nothing else to do. I'm sure they have little "family meetings" behind my back to discuss the benefits of an older person to keep moving. As we all know ' A rolling stone gathers no moss.'

This particular stone has been rolling so long that it has turned into a small pebble. Sarcasm does not work on my family, so I thought I would try it on here. I'm going to go wash those lovely dishes now and I think I may just dig my dirty laundry out and leave the rest to mate and make more dirty laundry.......

Here I am...

I think I've finally got this blogging thing figured out..some...I'm gonna jump on here in the mornings before work and babble about my life. We'll see how it goes.

Today's topic? Things I have learned so far today..at 8:15 am.

* Teenage daughters are much more compliant and happy about life in general when they are dating someone.
*11 yr. old boys need to be told to take their jackets off for school pictures...they will not do this on their own and will actually PLAN on wearing their jacket in the picture.
*Taking Midol (with caffeine) before bed will help with cramping/bloating but you will be up all night, thus making you very grouchy from lack of sleep vs. menstrual symptoms. Pick your evil.
*A small dog can lay on the couch and snore like a grown man.
*Little girls with naturally curly hair should not use a round bristle brush with no water.....ever.

I hope my friends can actually find my blog; and that they in turn make one of their own for me to follow!

Lazy Kids

Lazy Kids Does anyone else have kids who are physically unable to feed themselves? Is this a problem contained to my family only?? They would rather sit here and starve than get up and fix a bowl of cereal or grab a poptart....I have patiently given "toast making lessons" and oatmeal in the microwave, but the complexity of the task is too much for them to take in. I worry about them as they grow older. I really do. Will they wilt away to nothing as they sit in their apartment waiting on the food fairy? Who is going to pick up their dirty socks and underwear, their used candy wrappers and clabbered milk glasses? I think all the bag ladies and homeless men are just children who moved away from their mothers, and were quickly reduced to wandering the streets in hopes of finding someone to do everything for them. Where have I gone wrong, except to go overboard on the mothering....before my oldest leaves me a scathing comment, yes she will cook for herself, but her room is horrendous...my son is currently sitting in MY bathrobe (because he is too lazy to put clothes on) and playing a video game...he hasn't ate any breakfast, yet when I fix lunch he will look at me and say "but I didn't get any breakfast, how can this be lunch?" and he will be dead serious

My Dog Hamish

HOW CAN A SMALL HOUSE DOG CAREFULLY OPEN 5 PIECES OF DUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUM WHILE THE REST OF THE HOUSE IS QUIETLY SLEEPING AND CHEW EACH PIECE UNTIL THE FLAVOR IS GONE, THEN SPIT THEM OUT IN VARIOUS PLACES OVER THE HOUSE? ONLY ONE PIECE OF GUM HAD THE WRAPPER LEFT ON IT...I'M GUESSING THIS WAS HIS LAST PIECE AND HIS LITTLE PAWS WERE SOMEWHAT STICKY WHICH PROHIBITED HIS DEXTERITY....THIS IS THE SAME DOG WHO IS WHAT I LIKE TO CALL 'COLON CHALLENGED'; HE HAS AN UNNATURAL FEAR OF POOPING IN THE WIDE OPEN SPACE OF THE FRONT YARD. HE PREFERS THE CONFINEMENT OF OUR HALLWAY, USUALLY ONLY WHEN COMPANY IS HERE. THIS IS THE DOG WHO, WHEN WE TRIED TO FIX HIM UP ON A DATE WITH A BEAUTIFUL SILKY HAIRED DOG NAMED FERGI, BECAME A BLITHERING IDIOT. WE HAD TO BANISH HIM TO THE FRONT PORCH WHILE POOR FERGI SAT ON HER OWNERS LAP SHAKING FROM THE ENCOUNTER. THIS CANINE WHO IS FREQUENTLY DEEMED INCOMPETENT, TURNED INTO EINSTEIN OVERNIGHT AND CAREFULLY (I'M ASSUMING WITH HIS TOENAILS) UNTWISTED AND PEELED THE WRAPPING PAPER FROM SAID BUBBLE GUM...I CAN PICTURE HIM STROLLING AROUND THE HOUSE, CHOMPING AWAY, TAKING A MOMENT TO GAZE IN APPRECIATION AT THE CHRISTMAS TREES, COMING INTO THE BEDROOMS (WHILE BLOWING A BUBBLE) TO MAKE SURE WE WERE ALL SAFELY TUCKED INTO BED. THE FLAVOR RUNS OUT PRETTY QUICK IN THIS GUM SO THAT MUST BE THE REASON FOR HIS OVERINDULGENCE. HE HAS APPARENTLY BEEN STUDYING MY CHILDRENS ACTING ABILITIES WHEN I FIND SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE DONE AND THEY FEIGN INNOCENCE...HE TROTTED AROUND BEHIND ME IN DISBELIEF AS I FOUND EACH WRAPPER; EACH PIECE OF GUM...HE WAS TOTALLY APPALLED THAT SOMEONE WOULD BE THAT CARELESS AND WASTEFUL. I'M SURE IF HE COULD TALK, HE WOULD HAVE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID , 'THIS BLATANT ABUSE OF THE PRIVILEGE OF CHEWING GUM IS APPALLING! THE CULPRIT NEEDS TO BE FOUND AND GIVEN A STERN LECTURE. I BLAME THE YOUNGEST ONE, I'VE BEEN WATCHING HER AND FRANKLY SHE'S VERY SNEAKY'..........