My Dog Hamish

HOW CAN A SMALL HOUSE DOG CAREFULLY OPEN 5 PIECES OF DUBBLE BUBBLE BUBBLE GUM WHILE THE REST OF THE HOUSE IS QUIETLY SLEEPING AND CHEW EACH PIECE UNTIL THE FLAVOR IS GONE, THEN SPIT THEM OUT IN VARIOUS PLACES OVER THE HOUSE? ONLY ONE PIECE OF GUM HAD THE WRAPPER LEFT ON IT...I'M GUESSING THIS WAS HIS LAST PIECE AND HIS LITTLE PAWS WERE SOMEWHAT STICKY WHICH PROHIBITED HIS DEXTERITY....THIS IS THE SAME DOG WHO IS WHAT I LIKE TO CALL 'COLON CHALLENGED'; HE HAS AN UNNATURAL FEAR OF POOPING IN THE WIDE OPEN SPACE OF THE FRONT YARD. HE PREFERS THE CONFINEMENT OF OUR HALLWAY, USUALLY ONLY WHEN COMPANY IS HERE. THIS IS THE DOG WHO, WHEN WE TRIED TO FIX HIM UP ON A DATE WITH A BEAUTIFUL SILKY HAIRED DOG NAMED FERGI, BECAME A BLITHERING IDIOT. WE HAD TO BANISH HIM TO THE FRONT PORCH WHILE POOR FERGI SAT ON HER OWNERS LAP SHAKING FROM THE ENCOUNTER. THIS CANINE WHO IS FREQUENTLY DEEMED INCOMPETENT, TURNED INTO EINSTEIN OVERNIGHT AND CAREFULLY (I'M ASSUMING WITH HIS TOENAILS) UNTWISTED AND PEELED THE WRAPPING PAPER FROM SAID BUBBLE GUM...I CAN PICTURE HIM STROLLING AROUND THE HOUSE, CHOMPING AWAY, TAKING A MOMENT TO GAZE IN APPRECIATION AT THE CHRISTMAS TREES, COMING INTO THE BEDROOMS (WHILE BLOWING A BUBBLE) TO MAKE SURE WE WERE ALL SAFELY TUCKED INTO BED. THE FLAVOR RUNS OUT PRETTY QUICK IN THIS GUM SO THAT MUST BE THE REASON FOR HIS OVERINDULGENCE. HE HAS APPARENTLY BEEN STUDYING MY CHILDRENS ACTING ABILITIES WHEN I FIND SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE DONE AND THEY FEIGN INNOCENCE...HE TROTTED AROUND BEHIND ME IN DISBELIEF AS I FOUND EACH WRAPPER; EACH PIECE OF GUM...HE WAS TOTALLY APPALLED THAT SOMEONE WOULD BE THAT CARELESS AND WASTEFUL. I'M SURE IF HE COULD TALK, HE WOULD HAVE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID , 'THIS BLATANT ABUSE OF THE PRIVILEGE OF CHEWING GUM IS APPALLING! THE CULPRIT NEEDS TO BE FOUND AND GIVEN A STERN LECTURE. I BLAME THE YOUNGEST ONE, I'VE BEEN WATCHING HER AND FRANKLY SHE'S VERY SNEAKY'..........