Going to Rajahs for Italian....*sigh*

We just wanted to meet Leigh Anna for lunch....for Sammi's 19th birthday...it should have been simple. 

Except I decided to take a shortcut. One that I have driven many times before...with ne'er a problem.  We were on Rt.23 and needed to get to the old Rajah's restaurant on Rt.60, where apparently a new Italian place had opened. No problem. 

Mom started the whole thing by confusing me. As we were coming out of Flatwoods, mom says "You know how to take that shortcut right?"

 I say, "I have no clue what you're talking about..it must have been dad."

Mom--"No it was you...I'm sure it was you..."

Me--"Mom, I would never try to take a shortcut out of Flatwoods, I would be wandering around here for days...Flat-Woods is the perfect name for it" (I know that doesn't make sense, but it is what I said)

Mom---"NOT in Flatwoods! You know, the shortcut you take behind the mall!"

Me---"Oh, yeah, of course I'm going that way..I'll cut over the hill here and past the Wal-mart, I wondered why you thought I could get out of Flatwoods and end up on 60"

......This little exchange should have been a clue to us that we should stay on the well known road....

 As I cut behind the Walmart on the hill (you all know which one I'm talking about) I confidently make a right...towards...you know...Rt. 60 is down that way somewhere.  As we near the apartments where Charles Manson once resided (it's true) I explain to mom that this is one of those short cuts that I can't think too much about as I'm driving it...or I will get confused...so, please don't talk about where I'm turning and stuff, ok? Seriously, mom, I will get confused. Mom interrupts me here to scream that she isn't the one bringing it up, I am.

Point taken. 

I shut up about it.

20 seconds later this is what mom says.

"Well foot. I caught a glimpse of my glasses and now all I'll see for the next hour is my glasses...I hate that! It's worse when you catch a glimpse of your nose..I hate seeing my nose for an hour...I better shut up or I'll start seeing my nose and my glasses..everybody hush about it!"

Sammi and I had not said a word during her spiel, we were too busy laughing.

I'm feeling pretty comfortable with my shortcut at this point because I see the railroad tracks where I must make the dangerous left hand turn....this is when Sammi see's the OCD Housecleaning sign which she and mom thinks is hilarious and clever.

I am coming upon Rose Hill School and feel a surge of panic. Do I turn left here or go straight?! Oh, crap. I'm thinking too much. There is a car behind me so I go straight. I don't say anything out loud..no sense in giving the passengers unnecessary worry...I keep going and realize the houses do not look familiar. I start getting that dizzy/twilight zone feeling that one gets when they are in unfamiliar territory. I just keep surging forward, filled with hope that some landmark will pop up.

The only thing that popped up was another set of railroad tracks. Hmmm... definitely not familiar. Now is the time to say something....

Me---"I think I may be turned around a little."

Sammi---"Arrghh"

Mom---"Turn into the BP Station and we will ask them which way to Rt. 60."

 I jerk the car into the station and mom says, "You go ask, you look younger."

What in the world does that have to do with anything??

I say that I don't want to go in and that we will just keep going straight...it has to take us to 60.

Mom and Sammi mumble something, but I ignore them...I am a woman on a mission.

I say, "I think maybe I should have turned left back there at Rose Hill."

By this point we have come upon a 4 way.

There is nothing more daunting than a 4 way when one is misplaced. 

We stay straight. Seems to have worked for us so far...hahahahaha

Now I'm starting to get that panic sweat...the kind that gets in that dip in your neck...I am burning slap up and am starting to be taunted by the passengers.

Mom and Sammi start putting their 2 cents worth in about the way they take the shortcut...(we found out later that we were discussing 3 different shortcuts but thought we were talking about the same one)

I am furiously looking at every business phone numbers posted on buildings...none of the 3 beginning digits look familiar...and they keep changing!

At one point mom thinks she may know where we are...then she see's a sign about Rt. 5. OH NO! I have heard of this "Rt. 5" if one finds themselves on Rt. 5 without proper directions one may as well be lost in Flatwoods..same scenario.

Mom has now taken to slapping her hands on the dashboard like a Jamaican drummer...and yelling turn around here! TURN HERE!! 

I start screaming that I can't turn in narrow driveways because it is against the law to back out onto a road. (Not sure if this is true, but...)

Sammi starts regretting her decision to accompany us and chimes in with mom about turning around. 

I instruct Sam to call Leigh Anna to tell her that we may be a tad late and find a place to turn around. 

Now, if one is lost, turning around and trying to make your way back to the place where you made your wrong turn is more confusing than getting lost in the first place.

We just need to find the BP station...if I can make it back to Rose Hill, then I can find my way to blessed blessed Rt.60.

We find the BP station...I'm a little unclear on what actually happened here...apparently I made the wrong turn AGAIN at this point.

BUT, it was a good wrong turn...we start seeing signs that say Summitt. Good. Summitt is right on 60! Oh my gosh, look! There is the prison! Crap, we have come to another 3 way. Do we go straight? Turn right toward the prison? Or left? A woman is staring at me so I go left. (I am often driven off course by other drivers either having the gall to drive behind me or to look at me)

Mom immediately bemoans the fact that I went left. Until she sees what she thinks is a school. She really does need new glasses, because I know times are bad but I don't know of any school that has rolled barb wire atop the fence around it. It is another portion of the prison. 

As we are making fun of mom about this, we see a stop light sign...joy of joys! 

A stop light means we are coming upon Rt. 60!

We came out right beside Crisps Ice Cream, to which Sammi says, "Oh, I've always wanted to eat here!"

 "NO!" we are going the Rajahs for Italian!!

We come to the stop light...mom ONCE AGAIN confuses me by saying ,"Shouldn't we turn left?" 

Well, now I have no confidence, so I think maybe she is right.

But, I'm not in the left lane, AND there is a truck behind me wanting to turn right...so I turn right, make a circle in the gas station parking lot (Sammi screams here, "LOOK, it's the Hulk Car!" ) Which is one of the stupidest things I have heard all day.

I get back to the light, directly behind the truck that was behind me before and make my left. As soon as I do mom realizes that she had in her head that we were going to JJ's to eat. Rajahs is indeed the other way. 

Arrggghh!!!

As I find a place to turn around Leigh Anna returns our call. We assure her that we are almost there, we got a mite lost, but give her our drink orders over the speaker phone. To which she became extremely confused but somehow got them right.

2 minutes later we pull in to Rajahs/Italian exactly one minute late. Sammi is now sick at her stomach and really doesn't feel like eating.

*sigh*

I'm telling you that I have driven that short cut many times...many times...I just don't understand what happened....
I have just been informed by mom that she appears to have been blamed for our getting off course today....I take full blame for missing my left hand turn by Rose Hill School...she did confuse me in Flatwoods ,but she states that I should have known that she meant the short cut behind the Mall. Well, I knew that by the end of the conversation...she is threatening to write a rebuttal.